Emotional Intelligence: Understanding Emotions Will Take You Further Than You Think

May 9, 2022

How many emotions do you think there are? 10? 100? 1000? It turns out, that there are only six basic human emotions. They are happiness, sadness, fear, disgust, anger, and surprise. Yes, simple. There have been many studies suggesting that there are many other types of emotions. However, the previously mentioned emotions are primal and involuntary. Meaning they derive from our evolutionary instincts.

Emotions are what drive us as human beings. Nuances in emotions and their understanding can alter the course of our lives. Cold facts and numbers don’t seem to have such a strong impact on us as what we feel emotional. To get a better understanding of how they work and why they’re beneficial, it’s important to understand what your basic human emotions are, and how you can use them effectively in your quest.

Emotions Are Temporary

Emotions are temporary. They are responses to environmental stimuli. If we can identify what is causing them, then we can change our response to them. It may be that something small like missing out on promotion has made us angry or frustrated, but if we can identify what has caused this emotion, then we are more likely to respond appropriately rather than just letting emotions take control of our actions.

The most common mistake we make is holding on to the temporary state of emotion and equating it to our reality. It is not that being angry at not getting that promotion is a negative response to the situation; but holding on to that state, blaming others, and shaming yourself for not achieving that goal is a sunk cost game that could lead you down a dark path.

So Why Do We Allow Our Emotions to Take Hold of Us?

So many people live their lives reacting to situations rather than responding. They let their emotions take control of them instead of the other way around. This can cause us to make decisions we might regret or say things that we don’t mean or want to say. Yet, we respond impulsively, Why? Because they temporarily give us a high like nothing else. These primitive responses activate the “fight or flight” reflex, which requires us to utilize all our capabilities to deal with potentially life-threatening situations. Nevertheless, in our modern sedimentary life, these responses are becoming problematic.

In particular, happiness and anger. These two emotions, when felt in their essence, make us feel as if we have superhuman powers. These two emotions are polar opposites by nature and are the cause of most of the beauty and ugliness that we experience. We spend our lives in search of perpetual happiness and will do almost anything to seek instant gratification and fulfillment. While anger drives us to commit unmeasurable harm to those around us and, in the long term, to ourselves.

I have personally fallen victim to both emotions being out of control. Although I have recovered from their repercussions, many bones lie bleached in the sun because of it. Still, the consequences of not having more awareness of our emotions’ passing moments forced me to dive deeper into my impulsivity and do something about it.

Emotions Can Be Highly Irrational, But They Are Also Essential

I’m not in any way saying that we should become robots and not experience emotions, but rather that we should learn how to give them their moment in the sun, so they don’t control us. I do not believe that controlling emotions is practical nor beneficial. Just as we have no control over when the wind changes, we have no control over when our emotions change.

A sailor never tries to control the wind. Instead, he harnesses its power to navigate to his desired path. Emotions are the wind in our sails that propel us forward in the direction of our chosen quest. Our objective should be to become more aware of them, and their source, and use that raw energy to our advantage.

Embracing Emotional Intelligence

This is why we need to embrace our emotions and practice emotional intelligence. This means being able to identify, understand and manage our own emotions. It’s all about deciding who you want to be and consciously working towards becoming that person. When you realize your emotions are fleeting and are not permanent, you will be able to manage them better. You can then choose how you want to respond in any given situation instead of just reacting instinctively.

Emotional intelligence is generally said to include three skills: emotional awareness; the ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving; and the ability to manage emotions, which includes regulating your own emotions. 

A Brief History of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is a term that has become increasingly popular since it was coined in 1990. Psychology researchers have been studying emotional intelligence since the time of Charles Darwin and have developed several different models of emotional intelligence.

Because emotions are so complex, there are multiple theories and models that describe how emotions work. Emotions can be broken down into four components: physical sensation, cognitive appraisal, behavioral response, and subjective experience. These components make up our emotions and affect how we process events around us.

Emotional intelligence involves the ability to manage yourself and your relationships effectively by recognizing your own emotions, and others’ emotions, and responding appropriately to both. The term “emotional intelligence” was first coined by academics Peter Salovey and John Mayer, but it gained popularity when Daniel Goleman wrote the book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ in 1995.

Emotional Intelligence Can Be Developed

Emotional intelligence is a skill that can be developed, and it’s one that is becoming more highly valued in life. It’s an important part of your personal and professional success since it involves understanding your own emotions and those of others, which helps you to make better decisions and achieve goals. You don’t have to be born with emotional intelligence to increase it. You can work on developing your emotional intelligence skills. Here are four things you can do about it:

1. You may want to take a deep breath and calm yourself down before reacting. This is much easier said than done, but it is the most important skill. The breath is the source of all life, and by utilizing it, you are turning off the “fight or flight” reflex that is the source of our emotional responses.

2. Develop Self-Awareness. Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and understand your moods, emotions, and drives, as well as their effects on others. You need self-awareness to manage your emotions and remain flexible and positive in the face of challenges or change.

3. Take an Emotional Inventory: To develop self-awareness, take time each day to reflect on how you are feeling and why. One way to do this is through journaling or meditation; both practices have been shown to improve self-awareness by helping you slow down, focus inwardly, and observe your thoughts and feelings as they occur in real-time.

4. Practice Mindfulness: Unlike traditional forms of multitasking such as answering emails while on the phone, mindfulness allows us to pay attention to what’s happening in our external environment while also noticing what we’re feeling internally.

ASQ Takeaway

So why should we care about emotions? Emotions are a part of us. Emotions make us human and powerful. They can also be disruptive or destructive. By practicing emotional intelligence consistently, we can learn how to harness our emotional energy, and achieve our desired outcomes.

Our Soul’s Quest requires many shifts of perspective. Each shift symbolizes a sharpening of our understanding of both ourselves and the universe. Emotions are the gatekeepers of these new shifts in perspectives. We must choose to let them turn us away or use them to propel us forward in our quest to evolve.

Photo by ROMAN ODINTSOV: https://www.pexels.com/photo/diy-emoji-easter-eggs-6898860/

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