The dangers of basing our lives solely on our comparisons to others are reflected in the quote below. It’s natural to compare yourself to others. We all compare ourselves to others in order to feel better about ourselves during difficult times. We measure ourselves against others to see who is better and who is worse. To define ourselves, we compare ourselves to others. Then we assess where we need to improve by comparing ourselves to ourselves. Comparisons, on the other hand, are not always negative. Comparison is beneficial since it allows us to identify which elements of our performance need to be improved. However, this must be done in a balanced way.
“I Have Learned Why People Work So Hard To Succeed: It Is Because They Envy The Things Their Neighbors Have. But It Is Useless. It Is Like Chasing The Wind… It Is Better To Have Only A Little, With Peace Of Mind, Than Be Busy All The Time With Both Hands, Trying To Catch The Wind” ― Ecclesiastes
You can’t see others clearly.
The most important thing you need to understand about comparison is that it distorts reality. It skews the picture of other people you have in your head to fit what you want it to be. It manipulates the facts and changes the story so that they look like they’re doing better than you.
When we compare ourselves to others, we judge them through our own lens: the one that’s clouded by our experiences, values, and beliefs. This means we only see what we want to see—and ignore everything else that contradicts this viewpoint. We project our emotions onto others and assume they must be feeling the same way. (Of course, this isn’t true.)
It’s easy to forget that others struggle too.
While it’s no secret that comparison is the thief of joy, it’s still a difficult habit to break. It’s easy to forget that others struggle too. I follow many beautiful, strong women on Instagram who seem to have their lives together. The most difficult thing about comparison is that people only share the best parts of their lives—the perfect smoothie bowls and sunsets, but not the bouts of depression or insecurities they might be facing. When I fall into this trap, I take time to read other people’s captions and check out their stories.
I find myself spending less time scrolling through social media these days. Instead of comparing my journey with someone else’s documented highlights reel, I focus on my relationship with God and doing activities that bring me joy: reading books and traveling with friends; eating beans, rice and tortillas; walking around new cities; dancing like no one’s watching; laughing at memes and dog videos—being present in life instead of mindlessly scrolling through social media feeds for validation or affirmation from strangers online.
It can help you grow.
You know the old adage, “comparison is the thief of joy.” There are times in life when we can benefit from comparing ourselves to others. And then there are times when the comparison is at best a waste of time and energy, and at worst something that holds us back.
- The Comparison Trap: How comparison steals our joy and undermines our success Thoughts like “I should be further along in my career by now” or “my sister is so good at being a mom; I wish I could be more like her” might feel harmless, but they can do serious damage to your self-confidence. They also take away from what you have accomplished.
Your life is not theirs.
Your life is not their life. You are not them. They are not you. If they are ahead of you in business, they may be behind you in love. If they’re ahead of you in love, they may be behind you in health. If they’re ahead of you physically, they might be behind mentally and vice versa. One person is better than the other at something but lacks what the other has achieved.
This is why it’s so important to focus on your own journey and celebrate your own milestones—even if it means doing so alone or with very few people around to validate your wins. This is why comparing yourself to someone else’s achievements will always cause a problem for you because one day that person may be better than you at something, but ultimately worse at something you consider more important.
Comparison is not a fair fight.
Comparison is not a fair fight. When you compare yourself to others, you are not being true to who you are. When you focus on what someone else has accomplished, rather than on what you have accomplished, you are not being true to yourself. When you focus on what someone else has going for them rather than on what you have going for you, you are not being true to your dreams. What should you do?
There are some simple steps to take:
Stop comparing yourself and start focusing on your own life.
Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your own life. This doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate the accomplishments of others, but don’t get wrapped up in the lives of celebrities, professional athletes, or other people who seem to have it all. Instead, celebrate your own personal wins and successes—which are often more “small” and “routine” than the big “overnight” successes. This will help you to stop comparing yourself to others and start focusing on your own life. **
When you notice yourself comparing, just stop.
When you notice yourself comparing, just stop. Take a moment and visualize putting your phone down or closing a magazine when you find yourself falling into this trap. Instead, focus on your strengths. Name three things that you love about yourself and three things that would make you jump for joy if they happened in your life today.
When you notice yourself getting caught up in the trap of comparison, just remember that you are not your past, you are not your current situation, and you are not your current circumstances. Your current self is unique, and so are your circumstances. There is no one else like you and there are no set circumstances for you. When you notice yourself comparing, just stop.
Focus on your strengths. Name three things that you love about yourself and three things that would make you jump for joy if they happened in your life today.
You don’t know what’s really going on in other people’s lives, so it’s not very productive to judge yourself by how they seem to be doing.
You’ll never know what someone had to go through to get where they are. You don’t know the work, the struggle, the pain of it all. You don’t know their journey.
You’ll never know why they’re doing what they’re doing and you’ll never know if where they are today is really where they want to be.
Comparison is the thief of joy because when we compare ourselves to others or to our past, we are comparing an image of ourselves with reality, which is always imperfect. This means there is always something we can do better or that we have done worse. When we compare ourselves to others, we are comparing ourselves to another person whom we believe is better than us in some aspect, and when we compare ourselves to our past, we are comparing ourselves with our past self, and this is not always good.
In order to overcome this constant comparison trap, we need to balance the way we use comparison. This helps us to remember that we are all different, so we should never compare ourselves to others in a total way. Instead, we could view parts of their personas, identify which qualities we would like to emulate, and continue to evolve as individuals. This is the balance we need to achieve for ourselves to be the best version of ourselves.
So stop worrying about how others do things that make you feel inadequate or not good enough. Stop judging yourself by other people’s standards because there’s a lot you can’t see from the outside.